Is Your Narcissist Ex Still Overshadowing Your Life?
3 Tips To Change Your Life Today
Before I explain the steps to change your life, I would like to highlight one very important and many times overlooked point.
If you have been in a relationship with a Narcissist, you may very well be experiencing Post Narcissistic Stress Disorder.
What is Post Narcissist Stress Disorder (PNSD)?
This is very similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, yet (PNSD) – is a disorder that is created after you have been living with a narcissist. You and I understand how extremely debilitating it is living with a narcissist, yet it all honesty, we don’t truly comprehend the mental, emotional and psychological effects on us, until we are suffering deeply. Many, including myself expect when we are free to feel euphoric, yet we can actually feel the extreme opposite, actually dive deep into feeling of helplessness or depression and we can’t work out why.
The reason why – is the narcissist. The narcissist who manipulated us, controlled us, lied to us, that we felt was normal. It was not normal; it was trauma at its most psychological extreme.
Common signs of Post Narcissist Stress Disorder are: –
Just like in sufferers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD), PNSD can also cause the survivor of the narcissist to have flashbacks. During these flashbacks you can become helpless and confused as to what is happening.
You may feel paralysed in certain situations, yet have no idea what is happening to you. Yet a smell, a sound or even the way somebody has spoken to you has triggered a reaction deep within your body that you have no control over.
I can recall when I returned to work following my marriage breakdown, and had a horrific boss who would yell out to my work colleagues and myself when there were problems or errors. When this happened to me, I can vividly recall being unable to speak. My vocal cords simply constricted to the point I could not utter a sound. I am a fairly confident person, yet I could not work out what was happening to me, until I understood PNSD in its entirety.
2. Difficulty in completing simple everyday tasks.
Sometimes after being controlled for so long, we find it hard to complete the simplest of tasks. This can make us feel less than, where in fact we are suffering from prolonged trauma.
If you feel this is you, unable to complete tasks that many years earlier you do with your eyes closed, please be kind to yourself, as its your body telling you to be gentle. The famous author Bessell van der Kolk in this book ‘The Body Keeps The Score,’ explains how our body is the barometer of everything. Trauma, although it’s not physically happening to us right now, is trapped in the cells of our body, and we cannot escape this until we face this.
If you feel your symptoms are critical, please seek help with a medical practitioner, as you may be experiencing depression, which can lead to distorted thinking. Now to learn the 3 Tips to Change Your Life.
My 3 TIPS
To So Stop Your Ex
Overshadowing Your Life
Compartmentalise your life.
The power of compartmentalising your life, when it’s still being controlled by a narcissist, will truly be life-changing. Many – including myself in this group, are unaware of how the on-going battles with a narcissist infringes on our lives. When we have discussions, or arguments, or a slight disagreement, you and I feel this, and we keep thinking about this, long after the discussion and/or the aftermath of this has been finalised. Yet, what you are unaware of, is the narcissist has moved on, you are not even in their thought pattern. You might lose sleep, be unable to eat properly, yet the narcissist – they are fine, as they have extremely low if any empathy.
So if you learn to break your life into Silos. The silo of the narcissist, the silo of your children, your work, your friends and family etc., this way they cannot infiltrate each and every part of your life. The ominous dark cloud they wield, will not penetrate into your whole life, instead, you will be able to
The Power of NO.
As empaths we are conditioned to expand our boundaries, to say YES, as we are through and through people-pleasers. It’s not that we intentionally set out to say yes, it’s part of how we have been raised.
Once you understand this pattern in your life, you can begin to change it. When we are in a relationship with a narcissist, we don’t even think of our needs, our wants, our dreams and desires, all that matters is pleasing the narcissist.
Now, the relationship is over, it’s time to recondition your mind and most importantly your actions. It doesn’t matter if you are saying no to your ex-partner, your boss at work, or your children, when you don’t want to do something being able to say NO will change your life.
Why & How
You are learning the art of self-respect. By installing boundaries, you are saying to the world ‘I matter.’ Once you begin this, I know your life will open up to amazing possibilities, as you won’t be too busy saying yes any more.
Stop Glorifying your Past Relationship.
There comes a time when loneliness creeps in and we begin to wonder ‘What if?’
- What if my ex had not lied to me, or maybe he or she can change?
- What if my ex had not cheated on me, maybe he or she can change?
- What if I was more patient, I’m sure we would not argue as much?
And on and on the conversation continues in your head. This is normal, as we were in love with this person, and at one time it was lovely. But when it was bad, it was horrid.
Now when my clients begin to ask me these questions, I always get them to do the following exercise: –
- Think back to a particular incident when times were truly dreadful.
- Write down the incident in as much detail as you can?
- How did this make you feel?
- Were the actions of your ex, the actions you would expect from somebody who was meant to love, protect and loyally stand by you?
When you have finished the above exercise, the next exercise is as follows: –
I want you to Think about your life now.
- Write how you feel when you wake each morning, free, alive and able to do whatever you want for the day?
- Compare your life now, to how it was at your particular memory – not allowing yourself to glorify any of your past.
- Where would you rather be?
This exercise when you write down your thoughts, and extract them from your head, you truly can see in black and white the truth. I don’t have to spell the truth out to you, as you will be able to see immediately.
Dream Big Dreams.
Yes, that’s’ right – dream and keep dreaming. As Barack Obama would tell as many children that he could, to ensure they ‘Dream Big Dreams.’ That is exactly what I want for you. If you don’t have dreams, you won’t get anywhere, and the narcissist’s control will continue to dull the sparkle that is your life. Dream, as once you have a dream that you know you can’t not attempt, you can start. You can start to plan even it’s the tiniest step of conception, which will enable you to one day you can Live your Dream.
All you need to do is START!
GET READY – as my Book ‘How To Divorce a Narcissist and NOT Get Screwed By One Who Did!’ will be available from my website and Amazon later this Month.
Have a beautiful week.
If you now know you have been in a relationship with a Narcissist, download my 5-Day-Guide-Begin Recovery From a Narcissistic Recovery Guide to guide you towards eradicating the narcissist’s voice in our head is not easy, but I am proof it can be done.