Being In A Relationship With a Narcissist Can Make You Sick?
Recently, I discovered, too many of my clients, navigating Divorce or a relationship breakdown with a Narcissist had or were still suffering from illnesses. These illnesses are not simple like the flu etc., no these illnesses were debilitating illnesses that have robbed these vibrant amazing humans, of their standard of living.
Their Common Factor?
A NARCISSIST PARTNER
Do you think if your health declines to a point that you are bedridden and dependent on your narcissistic partner, do you really think your partner will nurture, support you and care for you?
It’s a frightening thought, as you and I know both know the answer to my question.
Frequently, when you are in a relationship with a narcissist, there is a constant presence of stress and turmoil, that we feel is totally normal. When we break free from the relationship, we understand that the level of stress we endured, is anything but normal! It is a scientifically proven fact, that stress is a major contributing factor leading to serious illness. From Cancer to Heart damage, stress is one of the major influencing factors.
An amazing nutritionist based here in Australia, Ms Melanie Sinclair from The Nutrition Effect who herself has experienced a relationship with a Narcissist explains. (www.thenutritioneffect.com.au) ‘Prolonged emotional, physical & even perceived stress, all have exactly the same physiological impact on the body. The consequences of chronic stress include vulnerability to disease, slow rate of injury healing, loss of libido, sleeplessness, digestive problems, depression & much more’
Living with a narcissist, is a stressful life, yet the problem we have is, we don’t understand how stressful it is, until it can be too late for our health and our life.
How and Why Can This Happen?
It’s not something that happens overnight. We don’t simply wake up to find our partners transformed from an angel into a monsters, – although some can.
Most, if not all evolve, slowly over time. They present at first, as the loving, caring and supportive partner, who envelop us in love, to develop into the cold, indifferent, cruel person, who gains delight in highlighting our weakest points, which makes us feel worthless. They do this by continually criticising every aspect of our lives, eroding any confidence we may still have. This is – abuse – psychologically and emotional abuse, which the Narcissist are experts in inflicting.
Who would have thought that a husband telling his wife that she is ‘hopeless at everything, not good enough, pathetic or simply crazy,’ can be defined as abuse? Yet, this is exactly what it is. Its abuse, to make us feel ‘less than’ to make us feel not good enough, which is where we end up over time, hating ourselves for not being the perfect wife we should be.
I was one of the lucky ones. I was discarded, along with our much planned for and loved 8-week old daughter. Overnight with my marriage ending, sitting on the Qantas plane, I had lost my career, my friends, my support group as I fled to the only place I felt safe– my family in Australia.
To say it was a dark time, is like saying Christmas Day for children is ok!
I existed in a world of darkness, not knowing how I was going to raise our daughter alone.
What had happened, was I was discarded. I was no longer needed. My use as the perfect corporate wife, was no longer required, as my husband had ascended to the pinnacle of the top in Investment Banking. My use had expired – my time was up!
Fast forward to a couple of years in to our divorce battle, as that’s the only way I can call it – a battle. My financier husband who was always very generous financially, very sneakily and cleverly hid money in off-shore accounts, where my part time salary would never be able to afford to trace.
I was existing in a world of hate. Hating my ex-husband for all the changes he had enforced to my life, until one day when I had my aha moment, on my way to work, but instead I passed out from pain and woke in the emergency ward. I was diagnosed with a bleeding ulcer. I realised at that very moment, not only had I been living a life of such extreme stress walking on egg-shells permanently while married, yet my hate for my ex-husband was beginning to make me sick.
I had to let the anger go. I knew at that moment, if I had remained married to him, I would have become so unwell, maybe even with a life-threatening illness, as the stress of trying with every ounce of my energy to please him, to make him happy if only for a minute – you and I know is an unobtainable goal. We can never make a narcissist happy, as that’s impossible. They want us to continue to nearly kill ourselves trying, while they sit back and either continue to raise the bar, or criticise our attempts in any way they can.
I am begging you, if you are in an unhappy relationship with a narcissist, and you feel you can’t leave due to reasons you feel are warranted, think deeply about your decision, as your health is something you can never get back once its damaged.
Are the following thoughts swirling in your head really true?
- I can’t leave, as I can’t live without my partner, I love them too much?
- Nobody else will ever love me?
- I won’t survive financially?
- He or she will cut me off financially?
- My partner threatened to file for full custody of the children, and make sure I can never see them?
The above is only a few of the very common statements, that narcissists have their partners believe. Unfortunately, as we have become so debilitated in our thought patterns, we somehow in our unhinged state – believe them – DON’T.
I hope after reading this, that you begin to think differently in what you can do. You must understand, there’s no such word as can’t.
Ask yourself the following questions and be honest in your responses?
- If you had six months to live, would you want to end your days living with your narcissistic partner?
- Can you see and feel how the stress effects your health and your mood, as you feel you are walking on eggshells permanently so as not to create any arguments?
- Can you imagine the taste of being FREE, free to do what you want at any time, go anywhere with anybody and have nobody to tell you want to do? How would that feel?
Being FREE could and should be your life, as nobody should control anybody, yet I’m sure your narcissistic partner is controlling your life today.
Please note, I am not here to lecture you, I am here simply to try and help you understand you can do anything you want to. The only problem you have, is believing your own thoughts are right, instead of what your narcissistic partner tells you to believe.
Life can be short, and made even shorter when we live with an unhealthy amount of stress, which an unhappy, controlled and stressful life creates. This does NOT need to be your life forever.
If you feel you need further support in your journey, that’s what I am here for, please reach out at any time for guidance.
If you now know you have been in a relationship with a Narcissist, download my 5-Day-Guide-Begin Recovery From a Narcissistic Recovery Guide to guide you towards eradicating the narcissist’s voice in our head is not easy, but I am proof it can be done.