How To Eradicate Your Narcissistic Ex’s Voice In Your Head
I believe it doesn’t matter the length of the relationship, what matters is how extensive and therefore damaging the level of psychological abuse you received. Psychological and emotional abuse damages every part of our lives.
How & Why?
Because their voice remains in our psyche, in our minds, in every cell of our bodies, long after the narcissist has thankfully left our lives.
Narcissists, when criticising us, do this to make themselves feel better. However, they are so clever in doing this, that it decimates our self-esteem and eventually our entire sense of who we are and how we see ourselves. It is a conditioning, that over time becomes our belief system. It is sad but true, how we believe their words, that are repeated to us on a systematic and continuous manner.
Narcissists do this, as they are the ones insecure, lacking in their sense of self. As they internally attempt to overcome their own shortcomings, the easiest way is to decimate the power of their amazing partners – You and I. This is something I help you work through in my program Free Yourself From Narcissists.
One absolute truth, that is quoted in many scientific books, The Narcissist’s don’t partner with anybody. They partner with the brightest, funniest, beautiful, brilliant, sparkling humans, who make them look better. You and I, and never forget this.
Common areas they critique us are: –
- Our Appearance – that’s simply too easy.
- Our opinion on anything.
- Our child-raising abilities.
- Our careers.
- Our goals and desires for a better tomorrow, which they always curtail, as us being too successful threatens their control over us.
Eventually the way we learn to cope, to survive each insult, each criticism, is to shut down. To stop verbalising our opinions, our needs, our wants, as they simply don’t matter. As in a relationship with a narcissist, you and I know it’s all about the Narcissist. Nobody else’s needs can exist.
I know this, as I have lived this, I’ve been you.
I transformed over the years, from the confident, successful financial markets trader, working in Sydney, London and Hong Kong who achieved everything I set my mind to. I eventually became a meek, subservient wife, trying to please my husband in every action I did, each and every day. I would do anything to try to make him happy, but I never succeeded. Nothing I did was ever good enough.
I continued to believe I was not good enough in all areas of my life, long after my marriage had ended
In What Areas of My Life?
- The most obvious area of my lack of confidence was my career. I didn’t feel I was capable enough when I was offered amazing roles from head-hunters.
- I dated men that were not deserving of me.
- I made financial decisions that the younger, more confident me would never have agreed to.
I still believed that I was ‘Not good enough.’ I believed the words my husband told me over and over.
So What Did I Do?
- I undertook therapy, to understand why I felt as I did. It was life-changing to understand that I had always not felt ‘enough’ which is why I partnered with the narcissist in the first place.
- When my inner critic would raise its voice and tell me ‘I am not good enough.’ I would respond with ‘YES I am MORE than enough.’
- When my inner critic would tell me ‘I can’t.’ I would respond loudly with ‘I CAN and I WILL.’ And ‘I DID!’
So what were the results of resisting the voice of my inner critic and lessening the voice of ex-husband?
My Life Transformed!
- I stepped into my Dream Corporate role that changed my life.
- I was petrified, yet I believed I could do it and I DID.
- I regained my financial freedom, thanks to my fabulous salary following many years of instability after taking lesser paying roles, associated with lesser roles – because of MY lack of confidence.
- This was the beginning of regaining ME – I was back!
- I found my self-respect, as my peers, clients and management treated me with total respect, as I at last respected myself!
- This is how I found the confidence to create my Divorce Coaching Business, that gives me so much inner satisfaction it doesn’t even feel like work.
How & Why Did I Do This?
I knew I had Nothing to Lose & Everything to Gain.
My business was one I had wanted to begin for so many years, yet fear of not been good enough held me back. Today I have clients in the UK, US, Caribbean, South Africa, Asia and Australia.
Would I have ever Dreamt This was Possible?
Not if I still had my ex-husband’s voice in my head.
If you know you are living a less-than amazing life, and still have the voice of your ex running through your thoughts, affecting your life in a myriad of ways, please try to begin to change these thoughts today as I did above.
If you now know you have been in a relationship with a Narcissist, download my 5-Day-Guide-Begin Recovery From a Narcissistic Recovery Guide to guide you towards eradicating the narcissist’s voice in our head is not easy, but I am proof it can be done.
Have a beautiful day.