What is A Narcissistic Man
Think of the most charming man you know? Now multiply that charm times charisma by a million and that is ‘The Narcissistic Man!’
Their charm is hypnotic, as they arrive at your doorstep possessing every quality you could ever want in a partner. They will fulfil every desire, every dream you had of what you were looking for in a partner and bang like a genie out of a bottle they will be offering it to you on a platter.
The only issue is, its not real. They are not who they seem to be. Instead, as chameleons do, they mould themselves to be the person they feel you want them to be, and they are doing this very accurately.
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They will most probably be: –
- Immaculately groomed.
- Deathly ambitious and truly believes he will achieve whatever he desires.
- Well mannered.
- Extremely Good Listener, and very patient.
- Oozing confidence.
Basically you could not have created this person,
To be More Perfect!
They charm not only you, but anyone they have to. Your friends, family, your work colleagues, anybody and everybody will agree with you that he is FANTSTIC! You will be deluged with flowers, nice restaurants, weekends and trips away, life will be utter magical, particularly if you are the woman he desires and wants to pin down, the lengths to what he will do will have no limit.
I was married to an acute Narcissist, as many of my clients were too, and there is a pattern in how your relationship will play out, so be prepared.
Your relationship will begin as follows: –
STAGE NO. 1 – THE LOVE PHASE
I’m sure your relationship, as did mine, began in an intensive, almost obsessive cloud of love. Think of this time as the ‘love fest’. So much so, it appears at times they are too good to be true. You may not be familiar with this much attention and total adoration, but after you begin to think – ‘Why not, let’s enjoy this?’
You cannot believe your luck? Finding somebody so in tune with you, your beliefs and your dreams of your future. They are truly perfect. You feel as if you are existing in a cocoon, which is sublimely perfect.
Within a very short time-span, you are convinced ‘He is the one!’
For the first time in your life you have let down your strict boundaries, that up until this point, have been quite rigid in your past relationships. You know you are confident and self-sufficient, and until this relationship you have been extremely cautious as to who you allowed into your life.
Your partner showers you with attention, and you both can’t stand to be apart for too long, as you are simply too in love. Normally you appreciate your own space and your own company, yet this time you decide to throw caution to the wind.
‘This is different; it feels magical?’
‘My partner adores me?’ and you now this feeling is overpowering, like a drug. You both can’t get enough of each other. You can talk until the sun rises, as you are so comfortable and relaxed in their company.
You can remain in the Love Phase for various time-frames. It could be simply days or weeks, or it could be months or many years or as it was with me.
Are you with me so far?
Then we move to the next phase
STAGE NO. 2 – THE DEVALUE STAGE
Why would they do such a thing when they are meant to love you?
To have total control over you.
Their goal is to decimate your confidence, your self-esteem, your sense of self, the person you have always been, up until this point in time. This is where the corrosion of you begins. They begin slowly and subtly, with a continuous and sustained verbal onslaught, systematically and insidiously planned.
You may not understand why or how your partner, the one that initially was so supporting, nurturing and loving has turned into this cold and cruel individual, who you will do anything for, to keep the relationship intact.
Your partner makes it clear they do not like your family or your closest friends, the ones that have only your best interest at heart? They are so rude when in their presence and make every situation so uncomfortable when you are out with your friends or family, that the easiest way to keep the peace in your relationship, is to stop socializing. By this time, your friends and family are worried and concerned for you, and the brave ones voice their concerns to you. But you dismiss their concern and even though you know something is not right, you play down the situation, as you love your partner so deeply. However, you acquiesce to your partner’s pressure and cease socialsiing, as you will do Anything for a peaceful life.
Are you seeing similarities with your life in here?
What you may be unaware of, is that your partner has won here if you cut off your family and friends, as this was the desired outcome your partner needs, to prevent you from having your family and closest friends remain in your life.
This is how they begin to isolate you, and begin to erode your confidence, to ensure you succumb to their ever-increasing demands. This is the beginning of their total dominance and control over you. They then may step up to the next step and begin criticising your personal appearance. It could be your hairstyle, your make-up or clothes.
You will identify with the following:-
- Life is all about them?
- Criticises your clothes, your hair, your make-up, anything and everything about your appearance, which at first they loved everything about you?
- Confused on how your partner who was at the beginning of your relationship so adorable, lovable, supportive and kind, has now evolved into a cruel and superficial, person?
- If anything goes wrong its always your fault?
- Know your partner is lying and when you question their actions, they look you straight in the eye without a flicker of an eyelash and repeatedly lie?
- Confused at their lack of empathy with anything?
- Unsupported in your career, yet you have to support his career and his ego 150%?
- You feel controlled as your partner needs to know where you are and what you are doing 24/7, and calls you non-stop to check up on you?
- Exhausted from the constant reassurance they need from you, yet offers you none?
Whatever your partner doesn’t like, they will insist you modify it. If you are a woman and wearing something revealing – or sexy, they will be so threatened that they demand you change? This goes against everything you believe in, yet you acquiesce and adapt your appearance to once again keep your partner happy. This is so against all of your principals of who you are. Yet again, you do it. Anything for a peaceful life.
The saddest thing about this, is by the time you have woken up to this fantasy, its most probably too late and you may be entwined with this person by marriage or by children. If you are only dating this man, please take it from me and RUN, RUN, AS FAST AS YOU CAN out of this relationship. As the Narcissistic man will never, ever make you happy. Life will be a list of endless promises, never fulfilled. A life devoid of true love.
Take it from me and keep running and run fast.
STAGE NO. 3 – THE DISCARD STAGE
There will come a time when your use-by-date expires. A partner of a narcissist’s role, is to fulfil a need. When the need is satiated, you will be discarded. At the beginning of your relationship, you were put on a pedestal, adored by your partner. Gradually, over time, your pedestal fell to earth bit by bit, until you have had the pedestal knocked out from under your feet, swiftly.
Once the narcissist makes up their mind, you will be discarded quicker than throwing out yesterday’s newspaper. It will be swift and merciless, as you will be reeling by the calculating cold-blooded cruelty they will display. It’s as if they can’t feel anything, they appear to be inhuman, devoid of empathy.
That is because Narcissists do not have empathy.
Their wrath has no end, and remember they have no empathy so they simply DON’T CARE.
From one who has experienced this, if you have been discarded without warning, ensure you seek help from a Divorce Coach or Therapist, to assist in your recovery from this hellish experience. You will need this to understand on a deeper level, that it’s not you who are inept, its simply you were in a relationship with a Narcissist.
Narcissists are devoid of empathy and true feelings
If you have or are experiencing a relationship with a Narcissist, and need some guidance or some help in any way, please reach out to me at any time, as remember I have been YOU! I am here to help guide you, to ensure you don’t make any of the many mistakes I did when Divorcing a Narcissist.