Which phases of a Relationship with a Narcissist are you in?
One, Two, Three or Four?
Are you in the throes of love – Stage 1 – ‘The Love-Bombing Phase.’ Where life is simply magical. Your relationship has established quicker than ever before, but you are enjoying the experience, so far. You are probably thinking ‘They are too good to be true.’ The adoration from your partner, you have never encountered before, as you think ‘Why not, lets enjoy this?’ You are both in perfect synergy, existing in a cocoon so perfect, you are absolutely convinced he or she is the one, as you have let down your normal boundaries as this guy/girl adores you!
‘Are you hearing me so far?’
Or have you moved on to Stage 2 – ‘The Devalue Stage?’ Where your partner has become to critique different parts of your life. His or her criticisms have begun to diminish your confidence, your self-esteem, your sense of you. You may not understand while experiencing this, but when you are out the other side, it is perfectly clear what their strategy was – which is to erode your confidence and have you succumb to their demands. This is the beginning of his or her control over you. If you are not married to him by this stage, you are extremely fortunate.
Then things start to change, very slowly and subtly. He or she, makes it clear they don’t like your family or your closest friends, the ones they know have had your best interest at heart. They make life uncomfortable when you are out with your friends, to the point they are so rude, the only way to keep the peace is not to socialise with your friends any more. Your friends that have been in your life forever. Why do you succumb to this? To keep the peace? Anything for a peaceful life.
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They then may go to the next step and begin criticising your personal appearance. It could be your hair style, your make-up or clothes, whatever he doesn’t like he will insist you modify it, particularly if you are wearing something revealing, or sexy. Again, you acquiesce and adapt your appearance to once again keep him happy, anything for a peaceful life.
This may be (if you are lucky) where you start to see cracks in what you assumed was the perfect partner and begin questioning him. You are beginning to feel hemmed in, controlled, and you suspect he is lying to you. Things just don’t seem to add up?
Men & Women, believe your intuition, if you even suspect your partner is lying, or being dishonest, because he or she is. Warning……..If you dare confront a narcissist accusing them of lying or being dishonest, be prepared for the onslaught they will deliver. IF you are not married by this stage, get your Nike runners on and run, run, run, away from this Narcissist as quickly as you possibly can.
Note…Narcissists are pathological liars, who make you feel you are at times going crazy. You are not crazy, insecure or delusional, simply you are in a relationship with a narcissist.
If sadly you have arrived at Stage 3 – ‘The Discard Stage.’ Life will get better I promise you. This phase is the end of the relationship. This is where they have ended your relationship or marriage so swiftly you haven’t been able to catch your breath to work out what went wrong, and what actually happened? What has happened, is very clear. The Narcissist has required from you and the relationship what they needed and its time to move to their next victim. You most probably have been discarded like a used newspaper and replaced with a newer model that continues to feed his ego.
Get out before this stage if you can. Walk away with your head held high and cut off all contact.
If you are at Stage 4 – ‘Recovery from your Narcissistic Relationship.’ You can feel your life is improving now the Narcissist is out of your life. Life feels calmer, smoother, less stressful. If you’re now on the other side of a relationship with a narcissist, I hope you to start looking after you, as I’m sure all your energy before was to support your ex, now it’s all about you!
Much of what’s been fed to us over the years – certain words and beliefs from our partners – often remain with us. It’s important to begin nurturing yourself and understanding that you are complete exactly as you are. You are FREE and don’t look back, trust me, keep walking and hold your head up high.
As Rumi said: ‘The Universe is not outside you. Look inside yourself. Everything you want, you already are.’
Have a beautiful day.